i am.

i dream big of freedom,
but never from you.

we were flying, us against the world,
we were happy, we knew what to do.

then one day, you lost your wings,
you fell down, fell out of love.

frantic, i flew down with you.

guess who’s the fool.

#1

staring at this blank screen, i realize that i do not have much to say. a few hours into my new chapter, and yet i already fear i may have lost it. i think to myself, did i make the wrong decision?

did WE make the wrong decision?

my most dreaded nightmare, and for you, a dream come true.

don’t worry, my love. our separation is my wake up call. i will not waste it.

i promise you.

intensity.

Faster, our heart beat goes.
Harder, it thumps for each other.
More love, more of us.

Faster, our hands on each other.
Our hands all over.
Our bodies together.
My hands pin you down as I move on you.
I admire you, wanting to undress you.
To unravel the masterpiece underneath.

I go down, needy kisses left on your chest.
Marking down my territory.
Every single inch, I want to cover with my lips.
I’ll always be ready to bring heaven to your body.

More, you scream for more.
“Fuck, don’t stop,” your pretty little mouth goes.
In and out, up and down.
You dance along to the rhythm I give you.
You sing along as I make you feel the melody of the song.

Harder, I love you harder.
Heavenly sounds come from you as I do.
Tighter, we wrap around each other.
Our hands roaming.
Our bodies colliding.
Grinding.
Screaming.
Fucking.
Loving.

Intense stares exchanged.
Our foreheads, pressed together.
Can’t get enough, addicted to my lover.
Rough, gentle, fast, or slow.
As long as it’s you, I’ll always long for more.

a letter to each friend.

I’m afraid that we ended abruptly, didn’t we? Quite rudely, actually. I had more to say, more to let out. Let me explain myself, my side, not because of guilt, but because of clarifications.

To my 1st friend, the longest I had. We had lots of memories, fun ones. But the toxic outnumbered the healthy, it wasn’t meant to be anymore. I can’t say that I’ll miss you, but I do wish you the best of luck, as I’ve always had.

To the 2nd one, I have few words. I thought we clicked, but we were far from each other, in each aspect. I had to say goodbye, you were too much for me to handle.

To my 3rd, the final friend. You are angry, I can sense it through every message. You knew why I had to go, yet you bitterly accepted it, making me feel no sincerity, whatsoever. Can’t accept that I have priorities, can we? Shame.

My dear friends, I loved you all. But I keep on bringing myself down because of the weight I carry as I carried on with you all.

If ever one of you reads this, and felt like you’re one of those three friends, please know that I need not an explanation, and that I don’t want any kind of words from each of you. I had my own reasons of cutting you all off. I want, and I need all of you away from me, no matter what it takes, and how hard. And if you can’t accept this…

Excuse my words, but you can just suck it up.

accept.

speak out, speak loud
your sea of thoughts
before you drown

you hide in the shadows
just calling out the names
you are just the person, looking out the windows

there’s a world more than what you know
more than whom you are with
more than the memories in a photo