little girl, big thoughts.
not because i can’t live without you,
but because i can.
i have been given the opportunity in this lifetime to be safe and secured,
reciprocation is the least i could do.
i can live without you, without a doubt.
but i have been given the privilege to be with you.
i’ve learned my lesson not to be wasteful.
like handwritten poetry
raw, oh so sweet
feelings, delicately put into words
overwhelming me with a familiar narrative
i’m willing to see where this is going
clueless, one stroke at a time
a twinkle in my eye as i write down your name
i had all of the hope in the world for you
i was willing to finish every drop of ink for us
just to see where this will go
but through every chapter, a new emotion rises
when there’s love, there comes hatred
i battled with my pen in hopes of our victory
but, is the ending worth fighting for?
my wrist started to hurt
hand is becoming numb
unable to feel the pen between my fingers
barely able to finish my sentences
will i be able to see how this goes?
confusion is slowly creeping in
my body can’t handle this much
paper cuts from every turned page, making me bleed through the paper
with a mixture of tears messing up the narrative
i’m afraid to see how this ends
little did i know, i just wanted it to end
at the glimpse of something so beautiful, all i remember is you.
all i think about is how you would’ve adored the view.
the sun is down, and you’re not here beside me.
but in the presence of nature and with the memories of you, it feels like home.
i hope it becomes enough.
loving you either made me or break me.
loving you meant losing myself just to pick up your pieces. loving you meant drowning, just for you to surface.
was i just a stepping stone for you?
if this is the case, then why do i want to go back to you?
is it okay to miss you a little more tonight?
tell me if it’s not.
i can’t promise you that i’ll stop though. everything hurts.
i can’t go back, i don’t want to.
… do i?
What did you say?
You described the love I gave like it was your own euphoria. Like the mellow feeling of gently resting your head on the softest of pillows, a safe haven. A love you wish to come home to every night, after a long day.
I gave you my everything, until the last drop.
Now, tell me. Tell me how amazing my love made you feel after you take me for granted.
Tell me how full your cup was while you sip from mine. Tell the whole world how I made you feel.
Please, tell me. I’ve been dying to experience what you felt.
I swim.
I try to control my speed but the water is pushing me back. Every movement, every limb fighting for my life. Every stroke, begging me to resurface.
Begging me to breathe again.
I let my body take me there. Take me to where my frustrations are finally set free, but at the same time I let the water put me back in place.
I think.
It overflows. It overpowers and it overwhelms. Every thought running through my mind. Every question left unanswered or is answered with another question, which will lead to a new series of questions.
Over and over.
First stroke.
To push away what eats me inside.
Second stroke.
I let the thoughts flow through me like the water touching and embracing my skin.
And I let them go with every kick.
I swim to think.
But I refuse to go in too deep.
I don’t swim for answers. There will never be answers in places where you’ll drown.
But I cannot deny that there are times when I thought drowning was the answer to every question.
To every thought.
To every doubt.
Every stroke was tiring. Fighting to let my body breathe was exhausting. Fighting to let my mind rest was excruciating.
But I continue to swim anyway, not knowing where I’ll take myself.
Whether to drown or not, it’s a decision to make for another day.
For now, let’s float.
I am in the eye of my hurricane
Waiting to be blown away
Everything is spinning
All so chaotic
Away from a promised utopia
Far from my control
No one can go through.
speak out, speak loud
your sea of thoughts
before you drown
you hide in the shadows
just calling out the names
you are just the person, looking out the windows
there’s a world more than what you know
more than whom you are with
more than the memories in a photo
Adventure lies ahead of us,
Never a straight path, but a roller coaster ride.
We travel a one way trip,
And, like everything, eventually, it will end.
To see, to hear, to experience different things,
With the people you call family.
Making your heart dance, so full of happiness,
You wouldn’t want it to end.
Reminds us to cherish the memories, along with the people,
Who came with us, our hands in theirs.
As a wise man once said, “A part of the journey is the end”,
Let’s make it worth it, shall we?
my mind 