Tag: hurt

happy ending?

like handwritten poetry
raw, oh so sweet
feelings, delicately put into words
overwhelming me with a familiar narrative
i’m willing to see where this is going

clueless, one stroke at a time
a twinkle in my eye as i write down your name
i had all of the hope in the world for you
i was willing to finish every drop of ink for us
just to see where this will go

but through every chapter, a new emotion rises
when there’s love, there comes hatred
i battled with my pen in hopes of our victory
but, is the ending worth fighting for?

my wrist started to hurt
hand is becoming numb
unable to feel the pen between my fingers
barely able to finish my sentences
will i be able to see how this goes?

confusion is slowly creeping in
my body can’t handle this much
paper cuts from every turned page, making me bleed through the paper
with a mixture of tears messing up the narrative
i’m afraid to see how this ends

little did i know, i just wanted it to end

why?

loving you either made me or break me.

loving you meant losing myself just to pick up your pieces. loving you meant drowning, just for you to surface.

was i just a stepping stone for you?

if this is the case, then why do i want to go back to you?

taken.

What did you say?

You described the love I gave like it was your own euphoria. Like the mellow feeling of gently resting your head on the softest of pillows, a safe haven. A love you wish to come home to every night, after a long day.

I gave you my everything, until the last drop.

Now, tell me. Tell me how amazing my love made you feel after you take me for granted.

Tell me how full your cup was while you sip from mine. Tell the whole world how I made you feel.

Please, tell me. I’ve been dying to experience what you felt.

no escape.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone, including myself.

Mistakes that led to guilt, followed me to my sleep.

Swallowing me whole, hugging my whole-being.

I have dreamt of a lot of things.

But reliving my mistakes as I drift off to my nightmares were always the worst.

Have you ever experienced that?

The sensation, punching you in your heart.

And as soon as you wake up, your heart runs, beat after beat.

I have. Every single night.

And I don’t know how to escape.

I have no one to escape to, from myself.

i am.

i dream big of freedom,
but never from you.

we were flying, us against the world,
we were happy, we knew what to do.

then one day, you lost your wings,
you fell down, fell out of love.

frantic, i flew down with you.

guess who’s the fool.

a letter to each friend.

I’m afraid that we ended abruptly, didn’t we? Quite rudely, actually. I had more to say, more to let out. Let me explain myself, my side, not because of guilt, but because of clarifications.

To my 1st friend, the longest I had. We had lots of memories, fun ones. But the toxic outnumbered the healthy, it wasn’t meant to be anymore. I can’t say that I’ll miss you, but I do wish you the best of luck, as I’ve always had.

To the 2nd one, I have few words. I thought we clicked, but we were far from each other, in each aspect. I had to say goodbye, you were too much for me to handle.

To my 3rd, the final friend. You are angry, I can sense it through every message. You knew why I had to go, yet you bitterly accepted it, making me feel no sincerity, whatsoever. Can’t accept that I have priorities, can we? Shame.

My dear friends, I loved you all. But I keep on bringing myself down because of the weight I carry as I carried on with you all.

If ever one of you reads this, and felt like you’re one of those three friends, please know that I need not an explanation, and that I don’t want any kind of words from each of you. I had my own reasons of cutting you all off. I want, and I need all of you away from me, no matter what it takes, and how hard. And if you can’t accept this…

Excuse my words, but you can just suck it up.