happy ending?

like handwritten poetry
raw, oh so sweet
feelings, delicately put into words
overwhelming me with a familiar narrative
i’m willing to see where this is going

clueless, one stroke at a time
a twinkle in my eye as i write down your name
i had all of the hope in the world for you
i was willing to finish every drop of ink for us
just to see where this will go

but through every chapter, a new emotion rises
when there’s love, there comes hatred
i battled with my pen in hopes of our victory
but, is the ending worth fighting for?

my wrist started to hurt
hand is becoming numb
unable to feel the pen between my fingers
barely able to finish my sentences
will i be able to see how this goes?

confusion is slowly creeping in
my body can’t handle this much
paper cuts from every turned page, making me bleed through the paper
with a mixture of tears messing up the narrative
i’m afraid to see how this ends

little did i know, i just wanted it to end

bump.

i want to accidentally bump into you. or even just catch your eye from the other side of the room.

just to give you a look. the look.

the look that i used to give you. to say that it’s still you.

it will always be you.

it will never be enough.

at the glimpse of something so beautiful, all i remember is you.
all i think about is how you would’ve adored the view.

the sun is down, and you’re not here beside me.
but in the presence of nature and with the memories of you, it feels like home.

i hope it becomes enough.

why?

loving you either made me or break me.

loving you meant losing myself just to pick up your pieces. loving you meant drowning, just for you to surface.

was i just a stepping stone for you?

if this is the case, then why do i want to go back to you?

is it?

is it okay to miss you a little more tonight?

tell me if it’s not.

i can’t promise you that i’ll stop though. everything hurts.

i can’t go back, i don’t want to.

… do i?

taken.

What did you say?

You described the love I gave like it was your own euphoria. Like the mellow feeling of gently resting your head on the softest of pillows, a safe haven. A love you wish to come home to every night, after a long day.

I gave you my everything, until the last drop.

Now, tell me. Tell me how amazing my love made you feel after you take me for granted.

Tell me how full your cup was while you sip from mine. Tell the whole world how I made you feel.

Please, tell me. I’ve been dying to experience what you felt.

a broken promise

a vow, you said
’til death do us part
but you keep killing me

we may have lost our spark, haven’t we?

why?

people ran away from me.

even when i begged for them to stay.

is this a way?

to hurt me?

to kill me?

inevitable misery.

oh, how i wish i could stop.

i wanna stop.

deprived of security, because you took it away.

it all ends up a burden i can no longer carry.

please, rid me of my misery.

save me from the fate i want for myself.

a leap of faith?

a necklace around my itching neck?

a stab wound to stop you from putting multiple knives in my heart?

stripes on my arms,

black clouds on my legs,

all lead me to one place.

Freedom.

gone.

so many mistakes, all i want to take back.
bury it six feet under, let the amnesia hit me.

but as much as i want to, i cannot.
as selfish as it sounds, i want to escape.

disappear without a trace.