a broken promise

a vow, you said
’til death do us part
but you keep killing me

we may have lost our spark, haven’t we?

mask/s.

It’s always easier in the beginning. Naïve, innocent. Fun.

Not a care in the world.

But at what point your life do you start to feel like you’re in two places at once?

Two different personalities. Or is that too much.

You wash the dishes after eating a lonely meal.

Thinking

Wandering.

Wondering.

Hmm. Wondering.

Where you could be at that exact time instead of where you were.

You think of this, that you are this.

But you want to be anything than this.

But you know, deep down.

Every ounce of blood in your body screams at you.

And you hate it.

And you try to do something about it but it would never change thoughts. Facts.

And now, your mind is split into two.

You think happy. You speak happy. Everything is good.

You’d almost believe that you’re invincible.

Except, you wait for that one thing to drop you down, right into reality.

Split in two.

Showing only one. But not showing everything you are is a facade.

mess.

I am in the eye of my hurricane

Waiting to be blown away

Everything is spinning

All so chaotic

Away from a promised utopia

Far from my control

No one can go through.

no escape.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Everyone, including myself.

Mistakes that led to guilt, followed me to my sleep.

Swallowing me whole, hugging my whole-being.

I have dreamt of a lot of things.

But reliving my mistakes as I drift off to my nightmares were always the worst.

Have you ever experienced that?

The sensation, punching you in your heart.

And as soon as you wake up, your heart runs, beat after beat.

I have. Every single night.

And I don’t know how to escape.

I have no one to escape to, from myself.

i am.

i dream big of freedom,
but never from you.

we were flying, us against the world,
we were happy, we knew what to do.

then one day, you lost your wings,
you fell down, fell out of love.

frantic, i flew down with you.

guess who’s the fool.

gone.

so many mistakes, all i want to take back.
bury it six feet under, let the amnesia hit me.

but as much as i want to, i cannot.
as selfish as it sounds, i want to escape.

disappear without a trace.

solution?

i am unsure about everything, and nothing.
as i lose my mind, i lose everyone.

each word said, one new mistake.
to permanently shut my mouth, means death.

much better.

we need rest.

i see you. how are you?

i’m not doing fine, thank you for not asking.
i’m trying to hold up, but the universe is not letting me.

but i will be okay.

soon.

intensity.

Faster, our heart beat goes.
Harder, it thumps for each other.
More love, more of us.

Faster, our hands on each other.
Our hands all over.
Our bodies together.
My hands pin you down as I move on you.
I admire you, wanting to undress you.
To unravel the masterpiece underneath.

I go down, needy kisses left on your chest.
Marking down my territory.
Every single inch, I want to cover with my lips.
I’ll always be ready to bring heaven to your body.

More, you scream for more.
“Fuck, don’t stop,” your pretty little mouth goes.
In and out, up and down.
You dance along to the rhythm I give you.
You sing along as I make you feel the melody of the song.

Harder, I love you harder.
Heavenly sounds come from you as I do.
Tighter, we wrap around each other.
Our hands roaming.
Our bodies colliding.
Grinding.
Screaming.
Fucking.
Loving.

Intense stares exchanged.
Our foreheads, pressed together.
Can’t get enough, addicted to my lover.
Rough, gentle, fast, or slow.
As long as it’s you, I’ll always long for more.

accept.

speak out, speak loud
your sea of thoughts
before you drown

you hide in the shadows
just calling out the names
you are just the person, looking out the windows

there’s a world more than what you know
more than whom you are with
more than the memories in a photo